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Friday, 30 October 2009

Friday, 28 August 2009

  • Currently
    Kismet
    By Jesca Hoop
    see related

    I don't like being called on my shit.

    Especially when the person doing it is right.


    Also eventually I will run out or excuses and then I will have to take responsibility for who I am. Why I am the way I am. I will have to come to terms with myself and recognize that I am a failure because of me. Not because of my faith, not because I am  trying to please everyone, not because of the abuse. Because of the choices I make and the lies I am choosing to believe so I can remain in stuck, miserable, and feeling safe.

Wednesday, 05 August 2009

  • It is natural....

    So I am going to try to treat my depression naturally with herbal supplements, diet, and exercise. Also with scripture The prescription I was ta king makes me drowsy and feel kinda sick.

    Today I did a 45 min workout and I feel pretty good.

  • Currently
    Taylor Swift
    By Taylor Swift
    see related

    Hmmm

    I was wondering if part of the reason I am unhappy is because I live to please others people. Not everyone. Just certain people. Especially people in my family.

    I am not completely sure of who I am as a person. But I am noticing that there are things that my family says they want for me that I can't see as something that I would ever want for myself. I am becoming more and more sure of who I am not.

    I wish I could tell everyone to back off. I know what they are doing is out of love but it is killing me. I am so annoyed. Of course I won't actually stand up for myself because I am a giant pussy and would rather be miserable than stand up for myself.

    How do people stand up for themselves.

Tuesday, 04 August 2009

  • Currently
    Rust Colored Stones
    By Gregory Alan Isakov
    see related

    Loser

    Yesterday I felt like a total loser. Although nothing that happened was really my fault I still reflected it all on to myself.

    I started out the day by visiting my residents from Mt.Vista whom I missed dearly. It was really sad and made me miss my job. Then I bumped into Jim and Susan and realized I did not miss my job. While  I was there I was talking  to a former coworker I found out the guy who I was really excited to go on a date with on Friday is still married. Which I did not know. He has been separated for five years but has never actually divorced his wife. It was disappointing because he is really nice. On top of that I spent forever at the unemployment office to file a claim and here every worse case scenario that could happen. After that I had to my date and explain why.

    It was a crappy day but oh well. Hopefully today will be better.

violet_eileen

  • Visit violet_eileen's Xanga Site
    • Name: Violet
    • Birthday: 8/15/1986
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 10/19/2005

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  • I am basically just trying to be a grown up. Not as easy as I thought it would be.

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